Comedians in 2002 Getting Into Parties

I was addicted to Miyagi’s. Not on any day of the week, just Wednesdays- comedy night. While most girls my age were trying to get into Garden of Eden or The Lounge to get a glimpse of Paris Hilton or Wilmer Valderrama, I was hoping to run into Alonzo Boden. He played Ottawa Yuk Yuk’s […]

Chapter 22: It’s Hard To Make Friends in L.A.

When I was a little girl I made a goal that I was going to live in five cities in my life. That being said, you know I don’t have a fear of meeting new people. Even when I moved into my university dorm to discover my roommate was ESL, I was excited. “Wow, we […]

Chapter 20: Operation Get Job

Swift recap: I met a guy in a nightclub in Las Vegas who convinces me I’m his soulmate.  So I go home, dump my boyfriend, sell my car, quit my job, sublet my apartment and move to Huntington Beach. It lasts two weeks. Beat THAT reality shows. So now that my life savings is shrinking […]

Chapter 15: The Shitteth Has Hit The Fanneth

I’ve never been good at telling people I’m a comedian. It took me years- almost decades. And once I did start blasting the fact, I was annoyed cuz then someone always says, “You’re a comedian? Tell me a joke.” But in my younger years, I always felt like I had to say,  “I’m a comedian/bartender.” […]

Chapter 11: Too Soon

I’m 22 years old and three years into comedy. Cell phones are becoming more popular, and not just something only dads and cab drivers have. I am vehemently against getting one. Hell no. The thought of people being able to get ahold of me 24/7 scares the shit out of me. Straight from my diary, […]

Chapter 9: What Are You Wearing?

I was starting to get more comfortable hanging out at Yuk Yuk’s. The wait staff finally knew my name (they probably warmed up to me after I stopped standing in their way,) and I was enjoying singing my newly written Britney parody song in the greenroom. (To the tune of “I’m Not A Girl, Not […]

Chapter 6: The First Comedian I Ever Dated

When you first start comedy a woman who’s either another comic or a form of God will come up to you and say,  “Don’t date the comics.” But just like that paperwork you signed when you got hired at McDonalds that says you are not to engage in personal relationships with fellow staff, you immediately […]

Chapter 4: I’ll Be The Best Three Minutes of Your Life

My only goal was to get on that stage. To get up against that brick wall in a basement on Albert Street, mere blocks from Capital Hill. I was in the right neighborhood to do political material, but I decided to stick to what I know- having small boobs and a recent loss of virginity. […]

Chapter 3: I’m Telling You For the First Time

Some time between my last day of university and my first time smoking pot, Jerry Seinfeld came out with a special called “I’m Telling You For the Last Time.” It was his way of putting to bed a bunch of material he didn’t want to do anymore. (Garry Shandling stealing jokes out of the coffin […]