Chapter 21: Savior of the Week
As it turns out, it was VERY hard to make people go see Craig Kilborn. When I showed up to the bar at Islands for what I thought was going to be epic payday I was shocked that I only made $90. My first thought was, Ninety isn’t even divisible by 12… I’m good at […]
Chapter 14: What Happens In Vegas…
What year did the phrase, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” come out? Surely it was after May of 2002, right? Otherwise how do you explain a Canadian girl coming home from Sin City just to dump her boyfriend, quit her job, sell her car, sublet her apartment, and move to Huntington Beach for […]
Chapter 13: The Real Foosball Wives of Las Vegas
I’m going to Vegas, baby! First time since turning 21. (I was so young I told people I was going to Atlanta too, just cuz I had a connecting flight there.) Sure I’m going with my boyfriend and I don’t think you’re supposed to do that, but I’m pumped. I figured the trip would be […]
Chapter 12: A Relationship, Marijuana and 23-Year Old Female Comedian Walk Into a Bar…
I caved. I got a cell phone. It’s 2002- who knows? These things might actually become the norm. My plan includes 200 minutes Mon-Fri, and unlimited calls after 6pm and on weekends. Since I want to keep the bill down, I’m not giving my number to my boss and family. They can still believe I […]
Chapter 11: Too Soon
I’m 22 years old and three years into comedy. Cell phones are becoming more popular, and not just something only dads and cab drivers have. I am vehemently against getting one. Hell no. The thought of people being able to get ahold of me 24/7 scares the shit out of me. Straight from my diary, […]
Chapter 7: My First Paycheck From Comedy
There’s something about making money doing what you love that means more than the actual dollar amount. I know several comedians who gave up perfectly stable and respectable jobs to have a shot at telling jokes for forty bucks. No sense torturing yourself at a 9 to 5 job when you can torture yourself in […]
Chapter 6: The First Comedian I Ever Dated
When you first start comedy a woman who’s either another comic or a form of God will come up to you and say, “Don’t date the comics.” But just like that paperwork you signed when you got hired at McDonalds that says you are not to engage in personal relationships with fellow staff, you immediately […]
Chapter 4: I’ll Be The Best Three Minutes of Your Life
My only goal was to get on that stage. To get up against that brick wall in a basement on Albert Street, mere blocks from Capital Hill. I was in the right neighborhood to do political material, but I decided to stick to what I know- having small boobs and a recent loss of virginity. […]
Chapter 3: I’m Telling You For the First Time
Some time between my last day of university and my first time smoking pot, Jerry Seinfeld came out with a special called “I’m Telling You For the Last Time.” It was his way of putting to bed a bunch of material he didn’t want to do anymore. (Garry Shandling stealing jokes out of the coffin […]